


Center of Life, Light of Heart

by venus_demilo



Series: Like Blue Orange [5]
Category: TXT (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Gen, It's not super graphic but to be safe, Panic Attacks, So is Soobin, Taehyun is just a bean, jimin saves the day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:06:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21960652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/venus_demilo/pseuds/venus_demilo
Summary: Taehyun sometimes struggles to know when he's safe, but at the end of the day he'll always have people to support him and somewhere to come home to.
Series: Like Blue Orange [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1331825
Comments: 26
Kudos: 355





	Center of Life, Light of Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ElliotLyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElliotLyn/gifts).



It’s chaos. 

Fans are everywhere. Everyone is screaming, and pushing, and pulling, and grabbing. Taehyun can barely see Soobin’s head at the front of the line, and he’s white-knuckling Beomgyu’s backpack in a desperate attempt to stay with his group. The manager on his right is yelling something, but he can’t hear the older man over the roar of the crowd. Logically, Taehyun-and the rest of the group- had known that this was a possibility. While they weren’t doing too badly on the music shows, their seniors were the absolute powerhouse. When Bighit had announced their collaboration stage with BTS, they had made sure to stress the fact that they had hired extra people- guards, managers, and drivers in preparation for the event.

They had under prepared.

Taehyun isn’t sure what’s going on anymore. He lost track of their senior group a while back, and his hand is starting to go numb around Beomgyu’s backpack. He just keeps his head down and follows the person in front of him. He tries to push down the swells of anxiety rising and catching at his lungs in waves.

_ Not here, not here, not here _ , Taehyun chants mentally.  _ Not here, you cannot panic here.  _

“Damage control,” Soobin had said, smirking slightly as he outlined the plan for the day. “If it comes to that, once we’re all in the car, we can do damage control.”

_ Not here. In the car, wait until the car. Not here. _

Taehyun clings to that, and to Beomgyu, as the shouting swells and someone grabs-  _ hard _ \- at his bag. He stumbles, his grip on Beomgyu weakening and then breaking and then Taehyun is lost in the crowd of screeching, pushy, people. The person who’s holding his bag pulls again, and Taehyun twists enough to see the panicked face of a manager. The manager yells, close enough to his ear that he can hear it.

“Get to the car!”

Taehyun realizes belatedly that the manager had been shoving him towards the rows of shiny, black cars. He barely has time to pull his feet underneath himself before he’s shoved towards the last car in the row. Taehyun climbs in numbly, blindly, his trembling hands tightening around the car door. His entire brain is screaming at him, and when Taehyun’s vision adjusts, he knows why. With a sinking feeling of horror, Taehyun stares at BTS, who stare back. He walks forward as if on autopilot, collapsing into an empty seat. 

_ Not here. _

* * *

Taehyun is lucky he learned to cry quietly, and lucky he was pushed into the back by the window. He curls up as much as possible-it’s so tight in the car -ridiculously so- and pulls his hood up over his face. As long as no one tries to talk to him, he can hide until they make it to their dorms and he can see his members- _ Are they okay did something happen to them I need to see them-  _ and cry. He can’t panic here, not next to Suga-hyung and Jimin-hyung. Taehyun watches cars streak by, turning into colorful blurs as his eyes fill with tears and overflow, again and again, always silently. The rest of the car is silent. He doesn’t dare to turn and find out why in case someone catches the glint of tears on his face. 

A car outside, not theirs, honks and Taehyun flinches. He knows immediately that Suga-hyung must have felt it, because the older is turning towards him, and his panicked thoughts speed up more, and he can’t even catch up to them and god he’s falling behind, and he’s  _ so stupid-  _ he can’t even get in a car right and-

“Is Taehyun-ah with us? Soobin’s asking.” RM-hyung’s voice is loud when it breaks the silence in the car. 

“He’s next to me,” Suga-hyung says, his voice oddly tight. He sounds worried. Taehyun grits his teeth together  _ hard _ , just to keep any embarrassing sounds from slipping out. His head is pounding with the force of holding his tears back. He can barely breathe.

“Taehyun?” Someone is calling for him, but he can’t answer, because he  _ will  _ start crying out loud, and that  _ cannot  _ happen. Not here, he just has to make it home. God, Taehyun wants to be home  _ so badly _ .

“Taehyunnie?” A hand cards through his hair, gently pulling his head around, and suddenly he’s facing Jimin-hyung, who’s somehow switched seats with Suga-hyung and he has to duck to hide his head.

But Jimin-hyung sees. He must see, because he makes a sad noise and continues to run a hand through Taehyun’s hair. 

“Tell Soobin he’s upset, but he’s with us,” Jimin-hyung calls towards the front.

Taehyun shudders as another car honks. He wants to be with Soobin, or Yeonjun, or anyone, but he’s not. He doesn’t even know where they are, and anything could be happening to them, and he tries to stifle another sob as that thought sweeps through him with overwhelming strength. He just wants to go  _ home _ .

“Taehyun-ah, it’s okay. Are you hurt?” Jimin-hyung coos. Taehyun looks up as a hand rubs at his knee comfortingly, and meets Jin-hyung’s gentle eyes.

“No,” Taehyun squeaks. His throat feels swollen and it hurts to talk, but he’s more scared of disappointing Jimin-hyung than he is of the pain. 

“Okay,” Jimin-hyung’s voice is kind and soft. “Did you just get overwhelmed, or is something else going on?”

Taehyun stares at the hand on his knee as he tries to wrangle his spiraling thoughts and force them out of his mouth. He tries, but he keeps getting distracted by the more significant thoughts and the tears that continue to clog his throat. He wants  _ home. _

‘Taehyun, sweetie, breathe.” Jimin-hyung’s voice breaks through the cloud of his thoughts. Taehyun jumps when Jimin-hyung grasps his hands tightly, rubbing warmth into them.

“I’m sorry if I asked you something that made you upset. We’re going to be at your dorms in about ten minutes, can you hold on that long?”

Taehyun sniffs quietly as he nods. Jimin-hyung smiles at him, untangling one hand from Taehyun’s to brush his tears away. 

“There we go. RM’s talking to Soobin now, do you want to speak to him?”  
Taehyun nods so hard his hood slips off. He wants to talk to Soobin so badly- it’s the first thing he’s been sure of all day. His breathing is still too fast, and he’s so tired, but Soobin will make everything better. He always does. Jimin-hyung presses a phone into his hands, and Taehyun shakily lifts it to his ear.

“Soobin-hyung?”

“Taehyunnie! Are you okay? I’m so sorry, hyung is so,  _ so  _ sorry, Taehyun.”

A bit of the pressure on Taehyun’s chest lifts at Soobin’s voice. He almost cries with relief, but he’s out of tears.

“‘M okay. I’m okay. Are you guys okay?” Taehyun whispers, trying to keep his voice steady. He knows where they are now- the Thai place they just passed is about a mile from their dorms.

“Yeah, we’re all fine. Kai and Beomgyu are building a pillow fort in the living room. Yeonjun’s making noodles for dinner.”

Taehyun laughs breathily. Something in him is calming down, allowing him to breath past the panicked, spiraling thoughts. “We’re almost home, Binnie-hyung. I think I can hang up now.” He sneaks a glance at Jimin-hyung, who’s humming quietly as he stares out the car window.

Soobin agrees, albeit hesitantly, and tells Taehyun that he’ll meet him at the front doors.

Taehyun hangs up, and is instantly met with seven-well, six- pairs of eyes. 

“Sorry,” he squeaks. “Thanks for letting me use this.” Taehyun holds out the phone. Jin-hyung hands it to RM-hyung.

“Honey, were you crying the whole way home?” Jin-hyung asks. Taehyun flushes- Jin-hyung must think he’s a baby, because all he’s seen him do is sleep and cry.

“Yes. Um, I get- travelling is really, really hard for me. Kai says it’s kind of like separation anxiety?” His voice hitches, turning his last statement into a question.

“So is it-does this happen a lot?” Taehyung-hyung asks clumsily. Taehyun feels hysterical laughter bubble through his chest at the elders awkwardness, but he forces it back down. 

“Less so, now. I mean, before I told the other guys, then yeah. But they’ve been really great about it an’ Soobin-hyung tries to get travel plans and stuff in advance and then it’s okay.”

Taehyun is well aware he’s babbling, but he’s so tired he can’t stop it. 

“That sucks,” Taehyung-hyung says empathetically. There’s a general hum of agreement before the car falls silent. Taehyun wants to say something, just to lessen the silence, but before he can even open his mouth the car stops and Jimin-hyung pats him on the shoulder. 

“We’re here,” he says instead, unbuckling his seat belt with still-shaking hands. “Thanks for-well, thanks for everything. I’m sorry for freaking out on you like that.”

Jin-hyung ruffles his hair. “Please, what else are we here for? See you around, Taehyunnie.”

Taehyun grins sheepishly as his ears burn red. He has to shuffle a bit to get out of the car, which involves climbing over a passed-out Jungkook-hyung. 

Soobin is waiting at the front doors, just like he said he would be. Taehyun’s shoulders untense more and more the closer he gets to Soobin. In the last minutes, before Taehyun opens the door, Soobin scrubs a hand over his face like he’s been crying. Taehyun shoves the doors open and barrels into Soobin’s chest.

“I’m sorry,” Soobin whispers into Taehyun’s hair. “I’m so sorry, it was all so fast, I didn’t even notice you were gone until we were in the car and I should have been looking out for you more, I’m so sorry.”

Taehyun just squeezes his eyes shut tighter, snuggling further into Soobin’s arms. One of Soobin’s hands comes up to stroke at Taehyun’s hair, and he practically purrs. Soobin gives the best hugs, because he’s so tall and because he always plays with Taehyun’s hair.

“I’m okay.” Taehyun murmurs after a while. “Can we go home now?”

Soobin sniffles, pulling away from Taehyun and surreptitiously wipes at his face again.

“Of course.”

“Soft leader,” Taehyun teases gently. Really, he- and everyone else- know that Soobin worries about each of them more than he should. It makes him a great leader, but it also means that he’s extra-sensitive when something goes wrong. On the way up to the dorm, Taehyun clings to Soobin and the leader returns the grip just as tightly.

They enter the dorm to the smell of savory noodles. Someone screeches, and all of a sudden Taehyun has Huening Kai plastered against him.

“Taehyunnie! I missed you! Beomgyu and I made a fort, and Yeonjun says we should eat in there and watch movies. Are you okay?” Kai’s smile is so bright it’s impossible not to grin back. He and Soobin are dragged into the living room, where a frankly impressive castle built with about every blanket in the dorm is swallowing the furniture. 

“It’s great, Kai.” It is. Taehyun crawls in and Yeonjun follows him, precariously balancing bowls of ramen on one of their unfoldable tables. The rest settle around them- Kai is on Taehyun’s right, clinging to his arm, and Beomgyu is on Yeonjun’s left. Soobin curls up above them, resting his head right above Taehyun’s and reaching up to pet Kai’s hair. Kai and Beomgyu had somehow built the fort around the TV, so someone turns on a movie, and Taehyun feels warm and so, so safe.

“Thank you,” Taehyun whispers. He’s so tired, and he’s finally home and safe. His eyes are drooping quickly.

“Thanks for coming back to me,” Soobin replies just as quietly, nuzzling into Taehyun’s hair. Taehyun manages to hum sleepily before the weight behind his eyes gets too heavy, and he drifts off.

It is warm, Taehyun is tired, and he is home.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello y'all! This is so super late, and I'm so sorry. It's been floating in my brain for a while, but I just had time to type it out this week. A couple of notes, if y'all care to read.
> 
> 1\. If I posted an Ateez/TxT work, because no one is giving me interactions, would you read it?
> 
> 2\. Similarly, I'll probably post a NCT or Ateez fic sometime this week/next week, and I don't know anyone who follows those groups, so if you want to scream about them with me, hit me up in the comments.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, please kudos and comment if you liked it, and have a good holiday/winter/christmas!


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